My Deep Descent
by ForestWitch
Summary: Peter Pettigrew tells points from his life, and what he really feels.
1. My Deep Descent

Well, I'm writing this for some reason. I have nothing to do, and it will most likely take me about 5 minutes. Review me too please!  
  
  
  
I never would have thought life could be so painful. I never knew that love was so powerful. I never would have guessed that love could destroy someone. But it did. It destroyed me.  
When I was born, my parents did the best to they could to turn me evil. When I relented, I was tortured beyond any nightmare. Searing pain would wash over and over again on me. I did my best to make it seem like I wanted to be evil. But I didn't. I didn't want to, but evil itself made me. I was so afraid of the dark side. I was afraid to oppose it; to do anything to upset anyone. But, then again, I was best friends with James Potter; well known opposer of Dark rule. People surely noticed me along side them. Words spread around. If I was the friend of a one, surely I was one too? I was scared. Very very scared.   
When I was accepted to Hogwarts, I felt as if I would certainly die an early death. The teachers didn't talk to me, and I was failing most of my classes. No one bothered to notice me until charming James Potter came to my rescue in a sort of way. He made friends with me, and even introduced me to his other friends: Sirius Black, Remus Lupin, and his beautiful girlfriend, Lily Evans. I was so happy during that time. I was part of the Maruaders, and nothing was funner than that.  
  
Lily was a far greater distraction. She would smile her beautiful smile, and I would smile back. It was almost a tease, and what a tease it was. I hungered for her. Many men in the school desired her, but she stuck by James's side. He was soon to be a star Quidditch player, and Head Boy. She never looked my way. Never. Sirius and Remus didn't seem to want her, but I wanted her with every fiber of my being. I never thought I would betray her. But, I did.  
  
After I was made secret keeper, I was so very afraid for my life. I knew Voldemort was looking for the Potter's, and I knew he would go to great lengths to find them. I suspected he would find me. I was being too nieve though. He was going to get me, and get them.   
He knocked at my door, and smiled at me. He pushed himself inside, and took his wand out.  
"I know you're their secret keeper. Now out with it, Mr. Pettigrew. I really don't want this to get ugly, do you?" he spat. I shivered and shook my head.  
"Good good. Now, you must know I am after the Potter's. I wouldn't tell you why, but I need them, and you can give them to me."  
I told him they were in Godric's Hollow. He urged me to come with him. I didn't want to, I just wanted to stay back and cower, but he dragged me along.  
When we arrived at the house, I yelled for James. He came out, with a grin on his face. Then he saw the charm disappear, and he yelled out.  
"What's going on? What's happening? Peter, what did you do?"  
Voldemort stepped out behind a tree and smiled.  
"Why James, that's not a nice way to greet a dear friend. He didn't you a great favor. Well, more of a favor to me." he laughed. James yelled frantically, and shut the door. Voldemort laughed harder and walked toward the house. I turned away and ran. I didn't want to see it.  
  
After that happened, I became a full fledged Death Eater. I was used as a spy, even though I was worthless when it came to any magic. I was to confront Sirius and make myself look dead. I had been told what to do. I was once again very scared, but I managed to get myself there, and bear down and do it.  
  
Sirius looked so angry. He was James' best friend, his brother even. They were truly great friends; something I deeply envied. He called me a traitor, screamed my name out, and flashed his cold dark eyes. He pulled out his wand, but I was ready. I shouted out the words, and disappeard, leaving one of my fingers behind. I was free. Free to the evil that would soon completly encompass me. I was really better than dead.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Sorry if that was stupid. I did that in about 5 minutes. Just tell me what yah thinkies! 


	2. James' Fault

This is another part to this story. I don't know what I was doing. This will be another quicky.  
  
  
James wasn't always my friend. He did somethings that I never could forgive him for. He seemed to enjoy it too. He was the main attraction.  
My heart wrenched that day I found Lily's diary. Oh, I wanted to kill myself, to kill James, and Sirius! Why couldn't she just see me???  
  
  
  
  
Dearest Diary,  
I do believe I am in love! I saw him today, and my heart did pitter-patters. I couldn't stop myself from blushing when I talked to him. I was so nervous! And I wasn't the one to get nervous, never! He has the greatest smile. Oh, it's so warm and bright. He's very friendly, and I think I would have a good chance of getting to know him better. I believe he is friends with Sirius Black. I've heard they are quite a pair: James Potter and Sirius Black. I just hope he accepts me.  
Today, several men asked me to help me with their homework. I was a bit flattered, considering they were from Slytherin and I was their enemy, but I agreed. I think they might have liked me! :) One was a large and awful snakeish man, named Severus Snape. He seems to be a classic Slytherin, but he's quite nice around me. The other was one Lucius Malfoy. I'm not sure about him. He's quite sneaky, and he didn't seem to keen to talk to me. I hope he isn't planning something. I've heard he hates "Mudbloods".   
I've gotten my exams back, and I did very well. I was quite pleased, seeing that I didn't really study! ;) My best grades were in Transfiguration. Professor Dumbledore is my favorite teacher by far. I do believe he is a very smart wizard, and that he has great talents. He doesn't loose his patience easily, but I wouldn't want to see if he did.  
Well Diary, it's getting late now. Tomorrow I have the day off, and perhaps maybe I could talk to James again! I hope so!  
  
Sincerely,  
Lilly Evans  
  
  
The next entry tortured me even more. As I was reading, I felt the rage growing inside of me. I was getting more and more vengeful for James.  
  
  
Dearest Diary,  
I think he likes me! I talked to him yesterday, and he seemed to enjoy himself. We walked around the grounds and talked about our families and other things. He smiled his handsome smile at me, and I smiled back. He told me that he would want to see me again! Oh, I'm so happy! And his friends seemed to like me alright. Remus Lupin and Sirius Black are his best friends along with that little Peter Pettigrew. I really don't see how he fits in with the group, but he seems eager for their friendship. I don't think he has any great amount of magical talent, but he's a friend all the same. I believe they all call themselves the Mauraders. I wonder what they mean by that.  
I don't think I've ever been so happy! I'm sorry to cut it short, but James wants to talk again. Wish me luck!  
  
Sincerely,  
Lily Evans  
  
  
God! Why did I even hang out with them? They all saw me as a little follower, I know. I just wanted to be like them. And look what they did! James took the only person I wanted to love away from me! If he wasn't in the picture, maybe I could have been! Things would have been so different! I wouldn't have had to do what I did! It was his fault. It was always his fault. 


End file.
